Why Nintendo Switch Completely Sucks


Watch The Video First!

Not all of you will like the reason I’m here, so I’ll just state my business and let you stop watching if you disagree.  I do suggest you take into account some of my suggestions though.  I don’t like or approve of the Nintendo Switch’s existence.

Script (For those of you who don’t want to watch the video) 

I feel that 90% of the people who purchased it did so because either their parents just went with the commercial flow, the kid wanted Breath of the Wild, or the buyer saw a Nintendo product and said: “yes daddy please”.  The Nintendo Switch released on March 3rd, 2017 with lots of hype and fanfare.  Commercials were very widespread across many different mediums and were catered towards a sort of party atmosphere.  A common theme of the commercials was bringing the Switch anywhere.  One of the commercials involved bringing two Switches to a college party.

I thoroughly doubt that a college party with alcohol will ever, ever be a place to bring two Switches to and have a good time with the Switches, and alcohol.  Also, how do you market that with the family-friendly aspect?  What is your target audience Nintendo?  I know that it’s a household name in the US, but to see them wallow around doing nearly everything wrong in a marketing sense and still seeing great success is saddening.  It goes to show how pop culture can do worlds of good or bad for a company.  So marketing and advertising; bad.  Hardware is of extreme importance for any gaming console.

The Switch’s hardware sucks ass, plain and simple.  The screen is 720p at 30 frames, the controllers are odd to hold in the hand (my opinion of course) and in practice, the battery life is usually somewhere around 3 hours.  Fortunately, it has usb-c charging, which is quite a plus.  And the storage.   Oooooo the storage.  Good God what can you do with 32 GB?  If electric vehicle drivers have range anxiety, Switch users, at least the ones who have sentient brains, must have storage anxiety.  The thing about the hardware is that with the Switch, you so often have to spend more money on it than you would on a normal console or PC.  Now the beneficial thing is that you only have to pay $20 US dollars a month for the online functions on the switch.  but you’ll probably have to pay for usb-c cords, as not many people have them, pay more for faulty controllers, and almost certainly shell out for extra storage.  That sucks.  4 gigabytes of ram.  1 gigahertz cpu clock speed.  An average of 530 megahertz GPU clock speed.  Pshaw.  And yes, you can play games on the go with the Switch.  But you can on a laptop too, with many more options for charging and a crapton more options for games.  And mobile gaming.  And all of the other portable Nintendo consoles to boot.  If you were an alien economist who focused on entertainment consoles and had no perspective into culture in this world, you would be saying “why the flying fuck are people buying this console?”  The answer?  Breath of the Wild.  Breath of the Wild is the only near ubiquitous and decent reason I can see to buy the Nintendo Switch.  I don’t think it’s a stellar game, not by any means, but it certainly is a good one and there’s no doubting that.  There are other fine games but their audiences are not as widespread as Breath of the Wilds.  Whenever I hear someone talk about the switch, it’s only about Breath of the Wild.

I shit you not, of the conversations I’ve had with Switch owners, that is the one and only game they will bring up without me encouraging them.  A console should not go so long with only one great game to name.  Nintendo is not as big as it used to be, in a sense.  I feel that the rage for their products has died down a bit.  It may be because I’ve grown and don’t care much about Nintendo anymore, but no matter where I am, I just don’t hear about the company and their products all that much.  It doesn’t help that they don’t sell too many Switch units.  It makes sense, considering how massive mobile, Xbox and Playstation gaming have gotten.  Back in the old days, Nintendo reigned king for the most part, as it’s competition was rather sporadic and not completely entrenched like Nintendo was.  But you still had to advertise the living shit out of your games back then.  The internet just wasn’t as it is now, where you’ll find 5 year olds watching furry porn and getting their knickers in a bunch on Tumblr and Reddit or screaming at you in Mine craft or Halo.  That was not a thing of the 90’s.  It seems that the culture behind Nintendo products is almost as strong as anime culture, star wars culture, all these big name syndicates that kids will blow their load over at their parents’ expense.  And even though PC gaming companies, Sony, and Microsoft are making powerful products with an absolutely obscene amount of games, people still flock to Nintendo.  And if there was a better production line in Nintendo factories, I bet that all those Switches would still be sold out.  The demand is still there for them, at least in the US.

It might be dampened since it is so long since Breath of the Wild’s release, but with Mario Odyssey coming out, I bet the Switch’s popularity is still booming.  But more accurately, and here’s my big point with this video; I think that it’s Nintendo’s games and company ideal and image that people flock to, not so much the means of encountering those games or ideals and images.  What I mean is that, the Switch itself is not special, not to most people who buy it I believe.  It’s the fact that it runs Breath of the Wild.  I said it earlier and I’ll say it again.  I never hear anyone gush about the switch, I only hear them bust nuts over Breath of the Wild.  So it makes sense to get a shit ton of money from fans by making a console, right?  Yep.  I won’t lie.  Nintendo is a company, and they like to make money to survive, especially after the stupid fuck up that was the Switch.  But if they wanted to play it safe and ensure the existence of their company, especially given how inept and unskilled their advertising and marketing teams are, there is a route that they can take to play it safe and survive.  I’ll give you a hint; Pokémon go and Mario Run are not on dedicated Nintendo consoles.

But you all may be saying (British) Ownerbynight!  Such blasphemy!  I say, I may rip you a new anal orifice if you keep this Tomfoolery up!  (normal)  and then I’ll say (droopy) Oh boo hoo, go and suck a caterpillar dick homie.  This is my video, not yours, and you should have been listening to the video this whole time. (normal) I honestly do think that if Nintendo went the route of releasing their games on PC, Xbox and Playstation, they would get more money, get literally everyone’s good graces, and sell at least 5 times the number of units for each game than if they keep them on their consoles, and at a quicker rate as well.  Sony and Microsoft seem to be here to stay, as they both have assets spread all over the software and hardware world, so a failing game console won’t kill them.  With Nintendo making games and applications for their consoles, their audience would probably increase tenfold.  It would also give the company a bit more safety.  Like I said, Microsoft and Sony are not going away anytime soon.

So to recap my rant; the Switch sucks.  It exists in an environment that is totally stuffed with other competition (most of which are other Nintendo products, what a genius idea).  Its hardware is an ass, like, really ass compared to all the competition.  Its game options are extremely lacking compared to all competition.  It is by far the lowest.  The quality of games available on Switch is generally lacking.  There are a few standout titles currently available.  Nintendo has terrible marketing and advertising teams that won’t convince nearly anybody who is on edge about the Switch to get it.  The Switch is just a bad console aside from a select few of the games it offers.

To be honest, you can pirate and emulate most of them in 4k on the internet and play them on PC, which is definitely the right way to go.  I don’t usually pirate anything, but to pay for a console in which the average gamer would only get 2 or 3 games is fucking ridiculous.

So buyer beware; the Switch is a good purchase only if you are a die hardcore game Nintendo fan who doesn’t have morals lacking enough to emulate games.  That’s most of what I have to say about the Switch.  For those who stayed this far, thank you.  To read more news daily, keep your computer’s search engine of choice upon The Game Freak Show.  For more of my videos, check out Ownerbynight on Youtube.  Thanks for watching everyone, leave a comment, subscribe, and we hope to see you all again.  Thanks.

A BIG MASSIVE THANKS TO MY FREIND OWNERBYNIGHT WHO DID THE AMAZING VOICEOVER AND THE SCRIPT! CHECK OUT HIS CHANNEL WHERE HE POSTS SOME REALLY RANDOM GAMING VIDEOS

#Why Nintendo Switch Completely Sucks

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